NooR AmiZa

ive just woke and realised i woke soo damn late and it was my first time waking up at this time....i had a strange dream.... i dreamt about my late father... he forced me and my mum to cut his body into half.. both of us rejected... by tat time one of his legs was amputated.... he kept forcing us to cut his body... still we rejected... so he got damn furious and he beated us up.... quite strange to see him walking coz he has onli one leg! he beated my mum first and then he beated me... he chased me into the toilet and threw all plates that was made up from glasses to me.. i knew i was in damn pain.... but some how i got away.... the next minute i woke up...that what was his behaviour before he pass away... he likes to beat my family a lot even though we did a small mistakes.. sometimes i even got beaten by him eventhough i was innocent... actually i dont really loved him back then... but when the times he got sick, he showed his love to me and siblings but it wasnt that obvious... but i realised all parents loved their children no matter what... the night he cried coz that he got to amputate his leg, i did cried too and i cried sooo much seeing him that way... moreover that nite was Hari Raya.... i got home that nite and i was still crying and i realised that was the most meaningful Hari Raya I ever had even though i didnt even had the chance to celebrate it.... As months goes by,many things did happened..the happy and unhappy things... then my late dad was discharged.... me and my mum was the main caregiver to him and i don even dare to bath as soon as i woke up..coz i scared he will call me suddenly when im in the middle of taking a bath...if that happen,im sure i get scolding from him or beaten.... and i always waited for my mum to come back from home first then i can get refresh....luckily it was my school holiday...thinking of my suffering ive got was not much as compared to my late dad and my mum... my mum don have much sleep taking care of my late dad... i pitied my mum the most coz she had to work in the morning and when she came back she got to take care of my late dad.... theres a lots of things happening and i cant even noe wher to start and how to say it.... ok stop thinking of the past miza... now i have to think about my future.... ok signing out toodles....